if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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