I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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