His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
