I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Panties = found
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
