I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
