I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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