Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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