just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
