Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
