I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize