I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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