Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
