Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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