I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
