I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
