I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize