I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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