just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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