Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
