If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
