JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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