You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
