we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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