If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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