Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
