I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
