She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
