well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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