His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wear drunk well.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
