Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i came on her dog
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
