I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
