Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize