we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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