So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
