Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
