I puked a lego.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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