and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
