I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
