Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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