the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
