I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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