My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
