something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
