Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
