i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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