i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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