I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
