Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
