Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
