so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
