Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
