Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
