Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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