Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
