My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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