the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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