Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
