I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
