There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found puke in my bra..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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