there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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