I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
