Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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