So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
