I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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