did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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