the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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