The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
