i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is not my ceiling
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
