I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
