I don't usually arrange sex via text message
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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