This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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