He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
