My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize