my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
