you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
