It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
