yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
